The Lizard Master: Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey...

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May 7, 2007 , Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey...

Mr. Sharkey has told me over e-mail that he will answer questions I sent him, but I still haven't gotten a reply. "The Impaler" started a party in 2005 called the Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party (VWP) which is officially recognized by the Federal Election Committee. While I have yet to hear back from him, apparently I have been added to the VWP list. I'm not including this as part of the Presidential Preview because this really isn't his entry, I just thought he deserved an extra intro. It may get interesting if we have a John Taylor Bowles vs Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey as the election cycle approaches. Here's his latest message:

An Open Letter To The KKK and other DomesticTerrorists

Greetings,

OK, let's just say for a moment you bunch of unrealistic, gutless, demented idiots have your way here in America, and you succeed in eliminating the groups of people you are targeting; Jews, Blacks, Hispanics and everyone who will not conform to your beliefs.

And let's say that you really get your way and you destroy the American way of life, that millions have fought for, and hundredths of thousands have died in defense of, since our Founding Father's established these rights and beliefs during their fight for Independence.

I believe that in your private fantasy world, that you all have created in your little idiot minds, you're living in an Utopian world, where everybody would live in accordance to your will. Not by the rights they have been given. And you will have exterminated those of different beliefs and race.

Well I have news for you all. WAKE UP! Americans are fighter. We unite when we are attacked. Look at what happened after 9-11.

Listen up members of the KKK and others who spread messages of hate and oppression, you're pathetic losers, who will never accomplish your goals.

America is the melting pot of the world. We consist of different ethnic, religious and racial groups. And it will always be that way.

Granted, we have brain dead idiots running this country, especially in The White House. But, we are survivors. We are enduring the mistakes of the present administration.

You bunch of pitiful, idiotic, waste of sperm cells think you will accomplish what no one else has in over 200 years. You're dead wrong.

Last week you threaten and harass me. You called me a NIGGER. You tried to insult my religious beliefs. Yet, the only think that happen, was you realized my Death Dealers were not only real, but true to their name.

I am tired of reading how the KKK are targeting minorities, especially blacks and Hispanics. Of late it seems your targeting Mexicans. Well, if they were born here, they have a right to be here. Deal with it, or leave America.

Maybe try moving to Iraq or Iran, I am sure you'll fit right in with the terrorists there. After all, we have black, Hispanic, Jewish Americans fighting there. You can try attacking them. But, unlike your targets here in America, those soldiers are highly armed. They'd be able to shoot back without fear of prosecution.

When groups like you, attack and say hateful things against minorities, I take it to heart. Two of my children are half-Cuban. Their mother was born and raised in Havana, Cuba. Hence, you are attacking my blood with your statements.

Anyone who the KKK, or any other terrorist group has a problem with me, I am not easy to find.

Right now, I'm in Brunswick, Ohio. If you want, come attack me here. I'll IMPALE you right on the front lawn on City Hall.

During this month of May, I'll be in Washington, DC. If you show up there, I'll IMPALE you right in front of The White House and show King George Worthless Bush how to deal with terrorists.

Towards the end of May, I'll be at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Show up there, I'll IMPALE you on the lawn of the State Capital.

Then from 28 May 07 to 2 Jun 07, I'll be in Minneapolis. If you wish to confront me there, I'll IMPALE you next to the executive producer of Impaler - Tray White, in front of the movie theater that is showing Impaler.

In June I'll be in Tampa, Florida and back home in Jersey. If you want to attack me there, I'll feed you to the sharks.

I am an American by Birth, Romanian Vampyre by Blood. Victory is my birthright. And I will not rest until all groups that spread hatred and oppression are terminated from this world.

Nel Sangue,

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey

Jonathon For President 2008

Comments

"Americans are fighter." Classic - Fat

Nah man, "Americans are fightest!" hehe... - TODD

Honestly though, do the KKK even have a presence anymore? I mean, I know Senator Byrd (D-WV) is an old-schooler... but do they REALLY even exist anymore? I'm sure there are a couple who I suppose are trying to keep it alive, but even Davie... which was the KKK headquarters for so many years, doesn't seem to show any sign of KKK, at least not for as long as I've been here. It seems to me that Domestic terrorists and KKK groups are basically extinct. Sure, a Jim Jones or David Koresh shows up now and then... but other than that, we pretty much have things together. "The Impaler"'s letter is kind of pointless. And when was the last time you heard the name "Jonathon" for a presidential candidate? If this guy was serious, he'd drop the Impaler bit, shorten his name to the more adult version, and call himself as he should... "John Sharkey for President!" - TODD

LOL... Too much Harry Potter for you, young man. - Uncle Sam

You are now on my Impaling list Todd. - Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey

Yeah... sorry, I don't go that way. - TODD

I would love to debate this candidate; but, I might not be able to stop laughing long enough to answer the questions. - John Taylor Bowles

All I will say is don't be folish enough to vote for some guy who thinks he's a "vampire?"... open your eyes Jonathon "the impaler" sharkey the world will always have these so-called "domestic terrorists" in it and to think YOU can rid it of us then keep dreaming. - K. fast

Americans are fighterest. - Fat

Hey. Some good and some bad ideas here. I am a Vampire myself, but is impaling your enemies really the answer? I'm no politician though. I appreciate honesty and openness- yet find some of the ideas listed in the aforementioned article a bit over-dramatic. - Sheila Danielle Hite

Yeah, he was weird when he ran for gov in MN... doesn't represent me, wouldn't vote for him. - Kris W

Even though Jonathon and I have been separated for 8 years, And I am a Christian, And do not follow his believes and never would and he was not like this while we were together, I do not know how this lunacy of his came about, But so be it everyone has the right to be and believe what they want. I do know that he was seriously threatened by the KKK. I heard the phone messages myself, and I got one too. Of course I ignore idiots, So I brushed it off. Like you would brush off a tick or a flea of a dog. I do know that John, that's what I call him by his birth name. Has always had a good heart when it comes down to minorities and people who are down and out. I left him because of many reasons. But if he would come back to earth and stop all the lunacy about vampires and satanists. I would vote for him. Inside that crazy mind of his he cares about the people and what happens to them and he cares about minorities. And he cares very much about the American People and The Country our fore fathers fought so hard to win freedom for. I by no means condone his crazy believes and that is the only reason I do not vote for him. Otherwise, I would. The man has good ideas. And he would probably make a hell of a president if only he would stop all the other garbage. - Lourdes Sharkey Flash

Fighterest is good. I particularly like the "hundredths of thousands" number myself. Lourdes, two suggestions for you. Spell check. Grammar check. Jeez. - Tess

OK, 1. This is the real Lourdes Flash speaking now and I never wrote what that paragraph states. 2. I would not vote for him for all the money in the world, And I have been seperated from John Sharkey his real name for 9 years now, and I have been asking that lunatic for a divorce every day since I left him and he won't give it to me nor will he pay the proper child support for his 2 children. 3. A man who never calls his kids wont pay their child support and abused his own children physically, could never be a good anything much less the president of this country. ( GOD FORBID ). 4. And Ms Tess, If there were any spelling errors that right there tells me who wrote that paragraph John himself he can't spell to save his life. When we were together, I always had to proof read all his letters. 5. In few words the man is a con artist and a liar. JEEZ MS Tess Lourdes Flash - Lourdes Flash - Sharkey

FLASH! Aaa-aahhhhhhhh... FLASH! - Todd

Hey dude, i want to be on your impailing list. - Eric Lehman

you are the biggest fag - Brendan Fox

I've talked to this guy he threatens people with impaleing them! He's a joke for real!! Ashame he comes from the Garden State and makes us look bad!!!! - KC

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! what a JOKE this man is! this craziness has been entertaining me all morning!

- Lori

- Todd

As a friend of Lori, I can agree. It has also entertained us here at work. Great piece of fiction!

Julie

What a nut case!!! Mr. Impaler...SIR. Are you talking about buttfuc---- all of these people are what? You should be the one getting impaled in a prison cell by a guy named Biff!! Dude!!!! You need some serious help!!

- telling it like it is