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The years of 1995 and 1996 may not be remembered as much for the reasons they really should be. During these tumultuous times, I received my name and became the editor in chief of the Ely Underground Newspaper. With contributing authors such as Monkey Boy (who later went on to invent Mr. T vs. and become internet famous), Thrash Mongo, Pickle Goddess, Da Fat, Big Goofy, Doughboy, the Llama and others we took on many nefarious characters. Below are our chronicles dealing with the likes of Christopher Lloyd, Rat boy, the Russians, Gym Crew, 3-in-1 (and the even more feared 4-in-1), and others.
Please click the links below to download a PDF version of the newspaper issues.
- Ely Underground One - This was the first circular of the EU. There's not much to it, but it defines the direction we went in helping defend Ely High School and the world. Also sadly, like many times, Da Fat decided eating cake was more important than being in the premier issue.
- Ely Underground Two - The second issue introduces Monkey Boy and The Fat (later Da Fat). The post-it note was an actual note a Russian exchange student passed around during drafting class. Da Fat was smart enough to grab it seeing the opportunity for a news story!
- Ely Underground Three - This third issue was a big one. It still only features TLM, The Fat, and Monkey Boy, but got great coverage. The next issue contails twice the pages and new writers joining the cast. The Letter Enrages Lloyd story is also a true story like the Russian note. We had written Mr. Lloyd a letter, I believe it was Mr. T at the time (later Big Goofy), but Lloyd saw me and cornered me. Can't remember actually what he said, but I do remember Doughboy saving the day.
There were 8 issues released, and 9 created. I will be posting the next three soon and eventually release the unreleased 9th edition that was never produced because the Llama wouldn't drive me to Kinkos!
- Ely Underground Four - A little known fact about this issue: Monkey Boy insisted on printing up his own articles. I told him that I no longer used a desktop publisher to create the EU, I pasted the articles on a sheet of paper and made copies. It wasn't until today that I figured out why he insisted on printing his own articles. It was the mistakes I would miss in proofing. I re-read some of his earlier articles that I typed and there were some gross syntactic/spelling mistakes. At the time I just thought he was being weird, but I guess he just didn't want to look like an idiot because of me. Anywho, each issue just gets bigger and better. This issue adds Thrash Mongo to the Underground. Next issue we finally see the first Monkey Boy poll!
- Ely Underground Five - This is the first and last we see of the Doughboy. He insists to this day that I was supposed to spread out his articles, but how can you bring to press old news stories? So anyway, he ends up being a good chunk of this issue and even has his own page. Monkey Boy has his first poll and we spell potato the Dan Quayle way, Enjoy!
- Ely Underground Six - I can't believe we are already 2/3's the way through. Then, sadly, it all comes to an abrupt end. This issue features the introduction of Pickle Goddess, a note from Ratboy to Mr. T (later Big Goofy), and we recognize the Sun-Sentinel for scooping us!
And now we approach the end. With two released issues left that were officially released, we are almost at the end. A moment of silence please....okay.
- Ely Underground Seven - Mr. T's name gets changed to Big Goofy. We also see another very funny M.B. poll. More importantly we remember when Rat boy broke Monkey Boy's arm during a football game. Also we are reminded of the Nazi that took over the school library and kicked us all out. I have the original hand out she gave to everyone and I will post it under a misc. section down below.
- Ely Underground Eight - The final released episode of the EU. There's a lot going on this issue. We signed a contract with Lloyd to spare the world, who knew ten years later we'd still be standing? The Llama also finally writes an article, and a doosey it is. He actually got an interview with the Lloyd! So sit back, relax, and take it all in slowly, that is it folks.
Okay well, may be there's a little more...Here's some miscellaneous stuff that was also stuck in the Ely Underground folder.
- Da Fat Article - This is how the process started, Da Fat would scribble some stuff down on a sheet of paper and magically it would get typed and placed on the Ely Underground layout.
- Dough Boy signatures - Not sure when the Doeboy becames Dough Boy, but it happened somewhere along the line. Here's his official signature.
- Ely Underground Awards - This never came to fruition and this is the only relic left of the Awards. I believe this is Monkey Boy's submission because of the handwriting and the absence of a vote on the M.B. poll. I think I told him he couldn't vote for himself.
- Color Version Llama - I just thought this was funny. The Black and White version of the E.U. never really presented this the way it should have been. No matter how I made the copy, either the type was too light, or the picture was too black to make out.
- Original Hitler Letter - This is the original Hitler letter that we put our own library rules on. I don't think it's much better from what we changed it to. I remember actually being a little worried we were crossing the line with this one.
- Original Top 10 Submission - Here's a top ten submitted by the Fat and I believe below his are my votes along with my tallying method. It looks like Hillary Clinton and the Llama also garnered votes, but didn't make the top 10.
This is really the end. The Ninth and final installment of the Underground. Never released because the Llama wouldn't take me to get copies now for your eyes only!
- Ely Underground Nine - Unreleased Final Episode of the E.U. It's a Christmas edition. A final farewell, although no one knew it at the time save may be the Llama. Hakato-Noi, Letters FOR Lloyd, and the search for E.J. round out this final issue.
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